Conversation

Dear Jon:

This conversation happened as I was putting you to bed tonight.

You: Mommy, what does this ring mean?

Me: It means I am married to Daddy.

You: Oh [disappointed]… But I want to be married to you.

Me: But you can’t be married to me. You can’t marry your mommy.

You: Not even when I grow up?

You: Not even when you grow up. But when you grown up, I hope you will find a person whom you will love very much and you will want to spend the rest of your life with her.

You: [tears in the eyes] But what about you?

Me: What about me?

You: [tears now flowing down your face] But I don’t want to be away from you. I will miss you.

Me: [fighting back the tears] Well… Maybe you can still live with us.

You: Could you please make sure Cole will live with us then too?

Me: OK.

For the next few minutes, as I listened to you listing all of the girls you currently know and pondering which one you would marry (you decided on Kristin, by the way), I could not keep the tears from coming. I know that some day I may be counting the days until we can get you out of the house. I know that some day you and Cole may fight and scream how much you hate each other. I know that living with your grown children is not anyone’s vision of a happy retirement.

But today… today the thought of being away from you is as scary and heartbreaking and unfathomable to me as it is to you.